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:iconsentienttree:
First off, I especially like the beginning. That opening line- 'He was not a poet, yet he said,' is instantly captivating. The italicized lines is each verse are beautiful throughout. The word choice is excellent, and overall the images made are original and powerful. My favorites have to be 'within the warming gaze of a wandering beauteous soul' and 'Your presence is a gift of fire...'
There are a couple places where I didn't understand the imagery- most noticeably 'lulling pressure against hy heating ear.' I don't quite understand that.
As for the ending- it makes sense and brings the piece together. It feeling right that the poem should end that way, especially once we know that it's about inspiration. That being said, I feel like the last two lines could have a little more impact. You have such a strong voice throughout the rest of the poem, and I find the ending to be a little abrupt, especially after the wonderful language used in the stanza before it.
All in all, a powerful, well thought out and well executed piece. It feels like you knew where you are going right from the start. You clearly have tremendous talent and vision, so keep it up. :)
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Comments


:iconsentienttree:
sentienttree Nov 9, 2012  Student Writer
Of course!
I really like the stanzas that you added, especially the last line, which really sums up the rest of the poem.
:D
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:iconkymira12:
Kymira12 Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
When I wrote 'lulling pressure against my heating ear,' the images I had was him placing his head on her chest where her heart is while he sleeps. The heating is the body heat. My overall image is that she's stroking his cheek and while he sleeps, he doesn't have nightmares because he can feel her skin against hers.

Hmm so I should expand the last stanza to make it a little more emotionally powerful?

Thank you for writing this critique! :happybounce:
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:iconsentienttree:
sentienttree Nov 8, 2012  Student Writer
Alright, that makes it a little clearer.

I think that would improve the poem, but that's just my opinion. ><

You're so welcome, this was my first critique so I hope you find it useful.
:D
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:iconkymira12:
Kymira12 Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Would you mind reading it again? I followed your suggestion and would like to know if I made it better or worse :aww:
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